Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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