last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
