apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
