google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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