i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
