I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
