you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
