I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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