why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sarcasm needs its own font
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
