Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
