Kiss
Puke
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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