Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
