i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
