Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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