Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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