you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
operation have a gay friend backfired
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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