so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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