this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
