Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
