mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
