It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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