Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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