You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
