Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
