also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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