Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
