I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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