Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
