We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
