Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
