I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
