How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
