this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
