U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
