just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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