Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
