I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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