So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
