My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
