DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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