You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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