Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
