is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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