He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
