Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
