went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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