duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
