WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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