i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
how does that bad decision feel?
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