she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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