He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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