i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
