Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
