omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dear god my vagina.
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