some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
