Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
